Why is a raven like a writing desk?
by Phanosaurus
Summary: Dan and Phil settle down to watch Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. A question begins to puzzle Dan as they grow closer together. But will he ever know the answer?
1. Chapter 1

"Coffee?"

"At this time of night?"

"All the times."

"Not coffee! Cereal?"

"Cereal?! At this time of night?!"

"All the times." Phil winked.

"Fair enough."

As Dan shuffled to the kitchen, Phil felt a lurch in his stomach. He panicked.

"Dan?"

Silence. Then,

"Yeah?"

"I think I finished the Shreddies this morning – is there anything else?"

"Lion cereal?"

"When did we get that?!"

"When I got the tea."

Phil smiled. He was glad he didn't always have to get the shopping. Well, technically, Dan didn't either. But still, online Tesco shopping can get really boring. He scrambled out of his chair and reached for the DVDs. Leaning on his hands, his bum up in the air, he scanned the titles.

_The Avengers? No, we watched it last night. Saw? Really not in the mood. Pokémon? Hmmmmmm…_

"Ow!" He yelped. "Dan!"

"Just couldn't help it, sorry mate." He winked, recoiling from kicking Phil's bum.

His flatmate handed him a bowl, keeping one for himself. He popped the tea on the arm of the sofa.

Dan suggested watching Alice In Wonderland , the Tim Burton version– they hadn't watched it in a while.

Phil put the disc in the DVD player, skipping past the adverts, pressing play, and running back to the sofa, so as not to miss the beginning.

He munched on his Lion cereal, his legs up off of the floor. He peered into Dan's bowl – Maltesers! Phil reached in and popped one into his mouth, as Dan tried, and failed, to slap his hand away.

'_Hatter?'_

'_Yes Alice?'_

'_Why __**is **__a raven like a writing desk'_

Phil turned to Dan. Dan was frowning, his eyebrows knitted together.

'_I have absolutely no idea.'_

Phil smiled at his favourite scene, and turned around again, expecting Dan to snort at this cheesy line…but he was still frowning.

"You'll get frown lines."

Dan didn't answer.

So Phil poked him in the ribs. Dan merely sighed.

So Phil reached out

He leaned forwards.

And stroked Dan's neck.

He received a sharp slap to the face.

"What the hell did you do that for?!" Shouted Dan, covering his neck with his shoulder, his mouth wide. They were both laughing, hard.

"Well, what were you frowning about?"

"Why is a raven like a writing desk? It doesn't make sense."

Phil laughed, and they both ambled off to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Munching on his cereal, Phil flicked through the images on his phone. It had been a while since he'd been out, and Chris and Peej had asked the boys to come out tonight. He'd wait for Dan to get up, and then ask him about it after breakfast. He sat soberly in his thoughts for a few moments until he heard his flatmate shuffling across the floor, breathing heavily.

"Morning, you alright?" Dan replied with a nod, knowing that Phil had already eaten and had some coffee, so he was somewhat lacking in perkiness.

Phil waited patiently for him to finish, while he sipped on another cup of coffee, warming his hands on the mug, even though it was quite warm in the flat. Finishing up, Dan strolled over to the sink and plopped his bowl in the water.

"Chris and Peej called. They wanted to know if we were free tonight, they're going out. Do you want to go?"

"Where are they going?"

"I have no idea, probably to a bar or something."

"Is Carrie going?"

"Mhmm, and Alex, they're staying there with them."

"Well…do you want to do it? We haven't been out in a while…"

"Well I don't mind…"

"Lets do it. It'll be good for us."

Phil raised his eyebrows and hopped down off of his chair. Stumbling to his room, he grabbed some paper and a pen. Dan plonked himself down onto Phil's bed.

Scribbling down a few video ideas, he zoned out, concentrating on his work.

BAM.

"Ow! Dan! That actually hurt!"

"Shit! Sorry!" Dan looked into Phil's eyes, his lips pressed tightly together, trying to hide his smile. They sat like this for about twenty seconds when finally they burst into fits of laughter, rolling around on the floor. Dan smacked his head on Phil's desk, and he stopped for a moment, then carried on, giggling at the irony.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, Phil, how are you?" PJ enquired, ignoring Dan's drunken taps on his shoulder.

"I am well Mr Liguori, and how might you be on this fine evening?"

"Not lacking in good company, sir."

"I'm good company. Phil! Phil, aren't I good company?" Dan whined, slightly put out by PJ not talking to him.

"Yeah, Dan. You're great."

Dan stumbled over to Phil, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

"You'll accept me, won't you Phil?"

"Only if you accept **me**!" Phil laughed and stroked Dan's neck. The hit wasn't as hard as last time, when Dan retaliated. Maybe this was due to the amount of alcohol Dan had consumed, although he hadn't even had that much.

Chris marched in, clutching a young lady in the crook of his arm.

"This young lady saw PJ and just had to ask about you. Of course, she's missed out by not asking for me, but there we have it. Your loss, Lucy."

"Holly!"

"What? No, my name's Kendall. Chris Kendall."

"No, my name's Holly! Not Lucy!"

"Of course, I was only joking around…"

Chris handed the girl over to PJ, who was gazing at her dazily. Her eyelashes fluttered and her cheeks flushed when he sat her on his lap. The beat of the music was synchronised with Dan's pulse, although he hoped the latter was quieter. He pressed his shoulder against Phil's, watching as Holly and PJ entertained themselves. They weren't making out. Not yet anyway.

"You two! You can't just do that right away! You need to get to know each other first!"

PJ moaned and looked at Chris resignedly.

"Lets play a game. Truth or Dare with a twist…"

"What's the twist, Chris?" Chris suddenly realized his mistake.

"Oh…erm…We have two bottles on the table and we take it in turns to spin them, whoever one lands on has to choose truth or dare, but you take one shot after every dare, and two after each truth. That gets past the fact that people ALWAYS choose truth! The second bottle lands on someone else and they have to kiss them!"

Dan sat bolt upright. But that meant they had to kiss each other! And they were all guys…and Phil…and…

"Of course we'll get more girls though…,' Holly said, her shyness disappearing at the thought of finally kissing Peej. 'I'll get some of my friends to come over!" And at that, she hopped off of PJ's lap, and scarpered off, light on her feet, as if she were dancing.

"She's hot." Dan stated the obvious, looking after her.

"She's mine." Peej warned.

"Alright! I was just congratulating you! No need to shake Jesus off the cross!" The boys laughed at that, Dan always came up with the most random sayings.

Finally, Holly came back with a clan of pretty girls. Well, four. Including her. How convenient.

Alex could choose, but what about Carrie? It'd work out somehow…

"Lets begin!" Alex ordered fifteen shots to start with and lined them up.

The bottles span, and span, and span.

"Dan! And…this young lady! Millie? Yes, well."

"Dare."

Dan donned Millie's heels. Millie and Dan leant over Phil's lap, the music pulsing, Dan's ears throbbing. Millie had nice eyes. They were grey, like a rainy day. He looked down at her lips, they apeared soft, a faint trace of red lipstick outlining the edge, the rest must have been drunkenly smudged on other men's lips... Phil shifted uncomfortably, shattering the moment. They both laughed and moved around behind Phil. Dan looked at her lips and up to her eyes, then back again. Soft. His eyes fluttered back up to hers, and she blinked, her cheeks blushing slightly. She closed her eyes slowly, and Dan followed suit as their lips met. She leaned in closer, and Dan let her, bending down further. He opened his eyes and drew away, Millie's full of longing. He smiled at her and turned around again, plonking himself down on his bar stool. One.

"Well that was hot." Alex said jokingly. He grabbed the bottle and span it round. It span and span and span. It landed on Millie again, and the second landed on Carrie.

"Hot lesbian action coming up guys!" Dan bellowed, Carrie punched his arm and giggled at Millie when Millie chose dare, an air of drunkenness swallowing them all. They hopped down from their stools and stepped closer. They both smiled, and it was over within two seconds. It was only a peck.

Millie had to crawl between the nearest dancing guy's legs. The man was quite short, with straight blond hair and a hooked nose, dripping with sweat. His levi jeans looked filthy, and Millie made a noise of disgust before getting down on her knees. She was just sliding through when he looked down, let her finish, and then pulled her up. He squeezed her in, tightly and smacked his grotesque lips against hers as her eyes widened in shock. Her arms were flailing and Alex ran over.

"Let her go! That's my girlfriend!"

"What was she doing under my legs then, mate?!" His voice was aggressive, and he had a strong Irish accent. He was shouting incredibly loudly, maybe he was deaf.

"She dropped her bottle lid!" Yelled Alex, as he dragged the poor girl away by the arm. One.

The bottle span and span and span. Chris and PJ! Dan smiled to himself. He shipped them, secretly. PJ looked at Holly sadly and she slid off his lap. Truth.

Peej stepped towards Chris and they held hands, miming that it was the most emotional moment in their lives with their fists. They shook their heads gently in unison, their eyes closing. The boys pouted as the girls giggled and they laughed just before their lips met. Beginning again, Chris dropped PJ's hand and put his hand on the back of PJ's head, losing his fingers in his soft brown curls as he guided Peej towards him. Their lips met and both of their eyes snapped open, then slowly fluttered down again. They leant in closer, smiling slightly. When it was over, PJ returned to his seat and signalled for Holly to jump up again, blushing slightly. He shifted as Chris moved, angling himself so that he was facing the shots more.

"What was the first drink you ever had?"

"What kind of question is that?! Lager." That was boring. One. Two.

The bottle span and span and span.

Alex and Phil. Dare. The boys leant in and kissed each other quickly, their eyes open all the time. They laughed uncontrollably as they drew away.

"I dare you to make out with that man." Holly pointed at a tall, greasy haired man wearing a brown leather jacket. He looked quite bulky. Alex sauntered over and span him around, standing on his tiptoes and pressing their lips together. To his surprise, the man drew him in closer, and proceeded to do what looked like eating Alex's face. When he finally escaped, he shook his head and downed two shots rather than one, probably hoping to burn out the image of the man making out with him.

The bottle span and span and span. Two of the unknown girls. Truth. One had dyed red hair and brown eyes, a small figure and long eyelashes. She was wearing pink lipstick, clashing with her orange floral mini dress. The other was slightly larger, shorter and she had short blonde hair, framing her cherubic face. Her plump lips were plain, and there wasn't much makeup on her, her cheeks were adorably blotchy with a tinge of red. She was definitely wearing fake eyelashes though, as the left one was slightly wonky. They leaned over Dan, alcohol staining their breath. Dan just sat there, waiting for them to finish. He didn't mind though. Come on. Two girls making out on his lap? What else could a man ask for? He glanced up through his hair and signalled with his index finger for someone to take a picture. Carrie moaned as Chris pulled out his phone and snapped Dan grinning at the girls.

They pulled away, realizing too late what had happened…the redhead lunged for Chris, demanding her phone back. He raised his arms in mock surrender, making out as if he was innocent. They all laughed heartily and got back to the task in hand.

The bottle span…and span…..and span….

Dan and Phil.


End file.
